Surviving Grad School: A Guide to Self-Care

Your anxiety wakes you up five minutes before your alarm: not enough time to go back

to sleep, but enough time to begin worrying about today’s agenda. 2 jobs. Class. Getting to your

site on time for your internship. Being a person outside of all your duties feels like a luxury these

days.

How do you handle everything? Why isn’t there 30 hours in the day? How are you

expected to thrive financially, emotionally, and physically when being tugged in so many

directions?

Being a grad school student is hard: there’s no way around it. You feel stagnant while

some of your peers are starting their adult lives, having kids, getting married. Societal pressures

begin to feel tighter when you are approaching 30.

But there is this light at the end of the tunnel you can’t help but chase. You see your

dream profession: one that you have been working tirelessly towards. You can’t help but see that

career as a part of your identity. You light up when your family asks about your career:

something you dreaded even making small talk about 5 years ago. That light is inching closer.

Though you aren’t yet basking in its full radiance, you are close. All the restless nights.

The grueling drives to class. The futile paycheck that is barely large enough to survive with. The

lack of stability. It is all going to pay off very soon.

But how can you make it this far without burning out? How can you finish strong? That

is what I have been trying to manage. I have been in my graduate program for 2 years now, and

am approaching my third. While I cannot lie and act like I have it all figured out, I have gotten

this far. I will provide some information, philosophy, and strategies that I have implemented in

my own life to hopefully help those struggling with self-care find some better balance.

Two Core Drives

In my group counseling class last year, Lucy was exhausted. She was beginning to lose

the drive to continue. She was working and going to school full-time and was states away from

home. She missed her budding relationship with her boyfriend, and her mom’s support. Her

motivation was down, and she expressed worry to the group about it. She wanted validation and

advice on how to get through the semester, knowing we had many more grueling semesters

ahead of us.

I had pondered this same question out of class. I had been just scraping by financially,

and had been figuring out a solid schedule to both feel like I was doing my best without feeling

completely burnt out.

“There are two things that have driven me forward this last year”, I told her. “The first

one is faith. This doesn’t have to be a faith in any particular religion. Rather, the underlying faith

that things will inevitably work out however they need to. It may not be the road you prepared

for, but it’s the road you’ll walk”. She seemed receptive to this, but I knew how Lucy’s thought

pattern worked. She wanted something relatable and tangible.

“The second drive is your willpower. You have to look yourself in the mirror, and tell

yourself that you are the type of person that gets things done and you will not take no for an

answer. It is your will that got you to class. It was your will to pursue this program and career.

You have done it before, and you will do it again. So go do it!”

This is the factor that Lucy really related to. She later told me in the semester that she

wrote that quote on a sticky note and hung it on her mirror to look at when she was feeling low.

These are two great sources for fuel, but if you are a fellow struggling grad student

looking for something more structured and applicable, then I will give you five core pillars to

work on every week.

Five Core Pillars To Surviving Grad School

There are, in my opinion, five core measurable things that grad students can work

towards weekly to improve their quality of life. I found that after I wrote these down and worked

towards them, that I felt better about my situation while also avoiding burnout. I had to do

something for myself mentally, physically, socially, spiritually, and financially weekly in order to

feel a sense of accomplishment.

These pillars can be considered measurable by time. Dividing up how much time you

work on each pillar by hours is a great way to see where you are doing great, and where you

need to improve. If you are spending 40 hours a week at work while also sacrificing 10 hours of

study time, then your grades will take a hit, and your faith may decrease. Similarly, if you are

spending too much time hanging out with friends, then you may begin to stress financially.

Practicing self care regarding all of these pillars is key to surviving grad school.

Mental work can be considered studying, interning, learning skills, and working on

homework and projects in the program.

Exercise is an amazing form of physical work. Working out gives us those feel-good

chemicals in our brain and makes us feel better. There are many forms of measurement for

exercise as well (weight, reps, time exercised, etc.).

Humans are social animals. We crave social interaction, and we are fortunate to live in

the digital world where socializing has never been easier. Spending quality time with loved ones

is an important aspect in our lives.

Spiritual work can look different for every person. A walk in nature. Time spent praying

in your mosque or church. Meditation. Finding some kind of relief in the beauty of our world is

an important part of being human.

Almost every grad student is going to stress about their financial pillar. Student loans are

nearly inevitable, and finding time to work without sacrificing the other pillars seems like a near-

impossible task. Part of this pillar, in my experience, has been accepting that even if I worked 60

hours a week, I would still not feel satisfied if all other pillars in my life began to crumble for the

sake of financial stability.

I called them pillars for a reason. They are meant to be a part of your current lifestyle’s

foundation, which means that they all need to be intact. The pillars are all going to look different

based on each person’s culture, but they are all key aspects to success. If you can check off

something you did for yourself each week for each pillar, that is a great start to getting through

grad school.

Good luck students, I have faith that your journey will be a success!